Let’s dive into this self exploration with a look at maybe one of the most underrated Christmas movies: Hook.
You know that scene when Adult Peter’s wife rips him a new one for being a workaholic?
As all kids do when watching Peter Pan, I watched with bafflement as I saw adults cheat themselves out of the joys of life, all for things as mundane as money or “success”. Why is he spending so much time being cranky on his phone when he could be enjoying his huge house and lovely family and the snow outside?
I assumed I would keep the knowledge of the truly important things, and an excitement for life as the Lost Boys did. And I thought I was succeeding…until I had to fight off mild panic attacks last Christmas, culminating in a tearful breakdown over graphics.
You know what I don’t remember? The graphics. You know what I do remember? The business and my job ~surviving~. No tears necessary. That was an hour of my life I could have spent drinking mulled wine and laughing with family that I’ll never get back, y’all.
Doing Nothing is…Hard
Forget the fact that I have a pathological need to please in order to earn acceptance (that’s another therapy session for another time). I feel caught as a Zillenial, in a war between Hustle Culture and Cottagecore, between making the most of every minute and just enjoying the ride.
I mean, I started reading “The Lost Art of Doing Nothing” and physically cringed at the idea. What about all that wasted time? What about the lost gains? The lost opportunities? If you’re not producing something, how can you confidently say your time was well spent? But the neverending search results for the Dutch art of doing nothing, “Niksen”, shows you that it’s a popular concept.
Productivity and Value
I’m realizing that believing value is tied to productivity is a battle that must be fought every day. I don’t know what winning it looks like, but for now maybe it’s enough to simply be aware. Of knowing that those feelings of failure aren’t solely my own, but a product of the surrounding culture.
I find this compounded with the world of freelancing. Last year I started my freelancing journey in Budapest and love the flexibility and diversity it brings. But freelancing comes with its own pressures. Without paid sick leave or other benefits that come from a 9-5, safety nets are of your own making.
There’s a fear that as soon as you turn a job down because you’re too busy, the jobs will dry up. Sometimes I feel like I’m a squirrel frantically trying to forage enough nuts before the first frost of winter strikes.
So even during the holidays, I don’t feel like I can be “off”. There will always be another project, another deadline. Another client to please. And even when you’re worked to the bone, you feel like you should be grateful. Because hey, at least you have work.
Learn how to get a visa for freelancing in Budapest here!
But grumpy, consumerism-consumed Peter is not a good look on me (or anyone). I don’t want to be that person. I have to actively make sure I don’t become that person.
It’s tempting to think the way to win against productivity is to throw my laptop out the window and defy deadlines for the rest of my natural born life. But I don’t think that’s the answer either. Wasting god-given time and resources doesn’t sound like the way to go.
And can I tell you something I’m really excited about? I found a freelancing gig that I love. One with a company that makes me feel encouraged and competent, and that will help me meet financial goals in the New Year. I’m thankful. I want to do well. But you know what? I’ll be damned if I’m crying into my eggnog about deadlines on Christmas Eve.
Maybe you have no problem finding a work life balance, and for that, I salute you! We can’t stay in Neverland forever. But if you’re like me, navigating deadlines and time management and boundaries much more than you’re used to, then have grace for yourself. Think about the things that matter to you on a heart level. And have a very Merry Christmas indeed!
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